Home Comedy What Do A Toilet, Chewing Gum, And A Red Headed Dork Have In Common?

What Do A Toilet, Chewing Gum, And A Red Headed Dork Have In Common?

4 min read
0
8
6,236
Always Keep Your Mouth Closed

Sharing is caring! Click on Facebook or Twitter to instantly share!

This may be TMI for some, so if you’re worried, please turn back now and move on. Nothing to see here.

I have a habit of disposing of my gum while I’m peeing. Good or bad, it is what it is. It’s a system, a part of my routine, and one small glimpse into one of my daily activities. It’s usually a quick and uneventful motion of opening my mouth, gentle tilt of the head, and allowing gravity to do it’s thing. Generally the smooth round shape of my gum allows it to gently break the water cohesion and enter without so much as a splash. Today was a little different.

Height makes a difference!


I stand at just above six feet in height. As I stand there, mid-stream, ready to release my chewy payload into the abyss, I was about to discover that the Universe had already conspired against me. I opened my mouth, tilted my head, and released the gum with the aid of a partial sneeze. Something was different about the irregular and out-of-balance fall of the the gum this time. Now, you must realize by now that when an object falls from a height of six feet, it still manages to gain considerable velocity. Compounded with the aide of a well-timed sneeze, that dude is really moving by now. As the deformed gum broke the tranquil cohesion of the water with a noteworthy “plop”, it created a void, and a one-off fountain of liquid began to rise that had just enough lift to prove frightening.

The gross part.

My mouth gaped open a bit in silent awe as the fountain climbed higher and higher with incredible speed. Quickly realizing that this fountain was a formidable foe and en route to my face, I closed my mouth. One would think I was safe at this point, but no, that was not the case at all. As I closed my mouth in ninja-style self-defense, I severed the fountain, sealing in a small, but gag-worthy drop of toilet water.

Sharing is caring! Click on Facebook or Twitter to instantly share!

Load More Related Articles
Load More By Harold Ragan
Load More In Comedy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Check Also

Crawdad Days 2019 – Event Schedule & Map

It’s time for Crawdad Days! This little festival had its origin as a one day event t…